Riding the Mobius

OK, so I’m already tired of hearing about Michael Phelps and his marijuana problem. Truth be told, I was tired of hearing about Michael Phelps during the Olympics, since I don’t particularly agree with the fact that one type of athlete can win multiple medals for doing essentially the same thing multiple times. People who choose fencing, or for whatever bizarre reason, curling, only have one opportunity to win a gold medal, but Phelps can take home eight? Don’t get me wrong… I’m not trying to diminish his achievements in any way, but I don’t really think it’s fair to hand out medals for every little variation in stroke. I think it would be fairer to have swimmers participate in a battery of races, scoring points for their finishing places, with the overall point winner taking home ONE gold medal. That’s not really the point of this post, but it’s something that I’ve been a little annoyed by since the Olympics.

No, the point of this post is that I’m growing weary of the media crucifying celebrities for every little thing, even though I’m conflicted about the phenomenon. On one hand, everyone makes mistakes, though most of us are so average that no one notices or cares, so our gaffes don’t get splashed all over the front page of every media outlet in the world. On the other hand, if you want to be a celebrity and reap the rewards of fame, you should be prepared to take the bad with the good, and suck it up when things go awry. There’s little that I find more tiresome than a celebrity who cries and whines about the pressures of fame and the lack of privacy and blahblahblah; cry me a river, and I’ll be happy to lend you one of my past-due bills to dry your tears. If you want your privacy back, take up a 9-to-5 in an office or a factory somewhere, become an anonymous drone, and see how much fun it is to live like an average person. As you can probably tell, I’m not terribly worried about celebrities getting hassled, but there are times when I think it’s simply over the top.

Take Michael Phelps, for example; the guy basically sacrifices his youth in order to become a champion swimmer, sets world records, brings home more gold than anyone in history, and the moment he does something fun for himself, the cameras are there, waiting to take him down. OK, so he hit a bong at a party with his friends… I’m not too worried about it. At least he didn’t rob investors of $50 billion. You don’t get to his level without sacrificing… Well… Just about everything. I don’t begrudge him a little fun. (To be clear, I’m not advocating drug use by any means, but come on… Pot? It’s not like he was caught smoking crack with a prostitute.) Should he lose his endorsements? Meh. I’m actually a little surprised that celebrity endorsements are still being employed. I don’t think I’ve ever been persuaded to buy anything simply because someone I admire or aspire to emulate is using a product or service, so I think advertising dollars would be better spent in other ways, but that’s just me. At any rate, if companies want to dump Phelps, that’s their prerogative; maybe it’ll make Phelps think twice before he sparks that next joint or climbs behind the wheel after a few adult beverages.

Perhaps even more horrifying is the lawsuit that has recently begun against Miley Cyrus, a.k.a. Hannah Montana, in which “all Asian Pacific Islanders living in Los Angeles County” are suing her for $4 billion dollars because she was seen in a picture making a racially insensitive “slant-eyed” face. For some reason, the litigants think her childish mistake should cost her about $4,000 per Asian person living in L.A. County.

Really? $4 billion? For making a face while goofing around with your friends?

What is it with people in this country thinking that everything that offends them should either be censored, outlawed, or legally actionable? People, I find plenty of things to dislike, but I don’t go around trying to sue everyone and everything that pisses me off. Should I sue George W. Bush because I sincerely believe that his incompetence and arrogance have put our entire country in jeopardy, thereby making it ridiculously difficult for me to obtain a job with the degree that I’ve just earned? Frankly, I’d love to, and I’d invite every taxpayer to join me in a class action lawsuit, but I know it wouldn’t accomplish anything but making some lawyer even richer than he already is.

My point about both Michael and Miley (who’d probably make a lovely couple, come to think of it) is that they’re both young, and as such, are going to do stupid things like smoke a little pot at a party or lampoon the facial features of an Asian friend. We all act like irresponsible idiots from time to time, and I think everyone is entitled to do so, famous or everyman, rich or poor. Our society has become so repressed and politically correct these days that it’s really liberating to do something less than socially acceptable once in a while, so I think we all deserve a little slack. Everyone just needs to try to be a little cooler, a little less “I’m a special little snowflake,” and we can all get on with the business of living and trying to enjoy life.

All that being said, if you disagree with me on any of these points, please let me know so that I can sue you.